The emotional garbage bin

Photo by Quang Nguyen Vinh from Pexels

I haven’t slept for the past 22 hours. It might be hormones. Ehm yeah, us women have these things called hormones that control pretty everything inside us. Like gremlins, they influence our brain function, our fertility, the size of our boobs, our stomach, our mood… They are in control of our life, and still, they are so undervalued, so affected by bias, so badly labelled from the strong, testosterone dominated gender. But back to my main topic, as this could be a whole different post blog!

I enrolled in a parenting seminar which was going to start at 6 am, due to a different timezone. My eyes opened at 4.30 am and didn’t close up to know. I was probably a bit anxious, having a lot of expectations on this seminar, hoping to find the secret key to solve my problems and leed to a happy family life similar to those you read in novels.

Truth is novels are novels and reality is reality. There is no secret but always tons of cool things to learn from others. The very competent speaker came out with a great metaphor which stroke me like a brick in the head:” I am not your emotional garbage bin”! This resonated with me so much, that a spiral of reflection started like a vortex in my brain. The context was parenting, so in our role of adults and container of all members of the family emotions, we often turn into cans full of emotional trash which overwhelm us.

I started reflecting on how, with my practice of coaching, I am dealing with the emotional container. And it is indeed a big load, which have many different facets, depending on which perspective we watch at it. By creating a safe space, and wearing metaphorically the glasses of consciousness, we can learn how to control this space. It is both fragile and bold, colourful or silent, heavy or extremely light.

Often we find ourselves with friends or close family constantly unloading their problems on us. They dominate conversations by continually talking about themselves and their issues, or blaming others for things not working properly. Relationships allies impact on the dynamics of the family, and every member’s objective way of perceiving things. We end up feeling drained and depleted.

But when we step back and take a look at the big picture, we are able to set a protective distance. We can create an imaginary bubble or shields that enable us to see through and reflect, without our feelings being hurt. When we reclaim ownership of our emotions, we are working constructively towards a new picture. Not allowing the emotional can to overwhelm us, we get in control of it, no matter the size of it. By acknowledging every member of the family’s emotions, and intentionally sorting them, value them, we do a work of validation.

Often is as simple as this, to hop back to a caring and nurturing relationship. At times we need more time or tools to work it out. It is always worthed, and communication is complex, so requires work.

Want to dig more? Send me an email, and we can chat about bins and emotions!